She Talks: Learning to Listen to Yourself – A Conversation with Fruzsina Kovács

Some words stay with us for years. At first, they come from others. Eventually, they become the way we speak to ourselves.

In this edition of She Talks, we sit down with Kovács Fruzsina to talk about self-acceptance, the inner critic, learning to rest without guilt, and what it means to stop making yourself smaller in order to fit into someone else's expectations.

What is something you no longer feel the need to "fix" about yourself?

The idea that I'm "too much."

For most of my life, I was told — over and over again, in all kinds of situations — to tone myself down. Eventually, that message became so deeply ingrained that I spent years wearing different masks. Depending on who I was with, I would become a different version of myself, until I could barely tell which one was actually me.

Then something shifted.

I realised that the people who were uncomfortable with my intensity, my enthusiasm, or simply who I am, were often struggling with themselves. More often than not, they were projecting their own insecurities onto me. That isn't my responsibility to carry, nor is it mine to fix.

Today, I no longer try to make myself quieter or smaller. I've found—rather, I've built—a life filled with people who love me exactly as I am. People who don't diminish me, but encourage me to take up space.

How do you speak to yourself on a difficult day?

Honestly? I'm not always kind to myself.

I'm incredibly self-critical — it's something my psychologist and I talk about often. I tend to set impossibly high standards for myself, and whenever I fall short, my inner voice is rarely gentle. Learning to soften that voice is one of the biggest things I'm currently working on.

There's one exercise I've found myself returning to time and time again. I think back to my five-year-old self, celebrating what felt like the happiest birthday imaginable with my family. I remember asking my mum, "It can't get any better than this, can it?" There's a photograph from that day where I'm smiling straight into the camera with the brightest eyes. Whenever I picture that little girl, something inside me quiets down. She truly believed that was the happiest life could ever be—and yet, so many beautiful things have happened since then.

In those moments, even if only briefly, I feel proud of myself. Proud that life did have more in store for me. And I believe it still does.

How do you know when it's time to slow down?

I live a very fast-paced life. While it wasn't necessarily how I imagined it, it's naturally evolved that way. Work, travelling, exercise, friends, family—and somewhere along the way, trying to give one hundred percent to all of it. I think many people know exactly what that feels like. But eventually, constant productivity and the pressure to keep performing become overwhelming.

My body is always the first to let me know. I've lived with anxiety for years. For a long time, I didn't know how to manage it, which only made everything harder. Today, though, I recognise the signs. Whenever I notice my anxiety becoming louder, I no longer see it as weakness — I see it as a message. A reminder that it's time to put everything down, switch off, and reconnect with myself.

Learning to listen to that voice has been one of the greatest gifts I've ever given myself.

What does rest truly mean to you today—and are you able to embrace it without feeling guilty?

Rest didn't come naturally to me for a long time. For years, I carried the belief that if I slowed down, I would somehow fall behind. That guilt was present in every quiet moment. This year, my husband Bence and I have talked about it a lot. He struggles with the very same thing. Together, we realised it's far more sustainable to pause regularly along the way than to push ourselves until we burn out completely. It sounds simple, but for us, it required a real shift in perspective.

Today, I intentionally make space for rest in my everyday life. Whether it's a pilates or spinning class after work, it helps not only my body but also my mind switch gears. We also make a conscious effort to spend time outdoors — a walk in nature or a weekend escape can completely reset us. I've stopped seeing rest as an escape from responsibility, instead, I see it as an investment. Because I know that taking care of myself is what ultimately allows me to do my best, both personally and professionally.

To me, rest is no longer a sign of weakness. It's one of the most intentional choices I can make for myself.

What does it mean for you to truly feel well—not on the outside, but within?

For me, wellbeing begins with balance. It's the feeling that I'm steering my own life, rather than simply being carried along by it. I love to-do lists, colour-coded calendars, and planning ahead. Those systems help me stay grounded, even during the busiest seasons of life.

I've come to realise that balance doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means that I'm at the centre of my life — not my circumstances.

I've also learned that taking time for myself isn't a luxury. My morning skincare ritual, those few quiet minutes that belong only to me — they're small but intentional acts of self-care, daily reminders to turn inward. Because when I feel well on the inside, it naturally reflects on the outside and vice versa.

To me, wellbeing isn't one big achievement. It's built through small, conscious choices that I continue to make, day after day.

What has starting a new life in another country with your husband taught you?

It's taught me that we're capable of far more than we tend to believe. When Bence and I moved abroad, we had to build almost everything from scratch — including the language. Neither of us spoke German when we arrived, and even today that familiar inner critic occasionally tells us we're not good enough, that we can't express ourselves the way we'd like to.

But then we pause and remind ourselves of everything we've managed to build — as outsiders, in a completely new environment, in a language we had to learn from the beginning. And suddenly, it's impossible not to feel proud. That realisation has become something of an inner compass for us.

Whenever doubt starts to take over, we come back to this thought: if we managed to do this, we'll find a way through whatever comes next. Sometimes, we simply need to remind ourselves again and again.

You're very active on TikTok, and we absolutely love your videos. How do you experience being present across different social media platforms?

Thank you so much — that truly means a lot. Creating those little TikTok videos brings me so much joy as well. 

My relationship with social media is complicated. I love the way it brings people together, builds communities, and has introduced me to friendships I never could have imagined. At the same time, it can be incredibly challenging — and I'm not immune to that. I still catch myself comparing my life to other people's. Sometimes, after just a few minutes of scrolling, I end up feeling as though I've somehow fallen behind.

Right now, I'm trying to focus on what genuinely adds value to my life: the wonderful people I've met because of social media and the meaningful connections it's created. But if I'm being completely honest it's a love–hate relationship and I have a feeling it will remain that way for quite some time.

 

Instagram: @frvzsinakovacs

TikTok: @frvzsinakovacs